Saturday , 10 December 2016
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Why come in a swinging club?

Why come in a swinging club?

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Good question from the net…What do you think?


Walking up to people at a swinger club and talking to them can be one of the most intimidating things in the world for individuals who are not total extroverts.  If that is how you feel, then there is an easy solution for that, and we were shocked at how simple it was when we discovered it.  The solution is to ask the right question.

When we started going to swinger clubs it seemed like the direct approach was the only real option … you just had to go up to someone and tell them you are interested in them and ask them if they would like to play.  But that approach always caused us anxiety, and we found out the anxiety was because the question we asked made a huge assumption … that they were there to play with others.  That assumption was wrong way more often than we expected, and put people off if they were not there to play.

Despite all logic, it turns out that there is an endless list of reasons that people come to a swinger club, and only a small portion of those reasons involve playing with others.   The main thing to keep in mind at any swinger club is that every single person and every couple comes looking for their own “thing”, regardless of how long they have been coming to the club.  The key is to avoid making assumptions.  Here are some points to remember:

  • Some people come just to people-watch.
  • Some people already have people they are meeting there that night and will ignore you, but on a different night they would be happy to play with you.
  • Some people come just to socialize and never or rarely play — it’s all about making friends with people that are accepting of their open-mindedness about sex.
  • Some people come just to fuck.  Not have sex, not make love, just fuck, and it doesn’t really matter what your name is.
  • Some couples are there to get only the husband or only the wife laid.
  • Some people are there just so they can be topless or naked and not get groped or arrested.
  • Some people come just to dance, or get on the pole, or wear a specific sexy outfit, or dance to a certain line dance song. 

This is just the tip of the iceberg … the list goes on and on.  There are just so many different reasons people come to a swinger club that you couldn’t even guess what some of them are.  And another important thing is the reasons can vary from night to night that they come to the club.  We humans are very complex people, and we do tend to change quickly.

So what do you do?  It’s simple.  You ask the right questions.  Preferably ones that don’t make assumptions.  Ones that actually start a conversation are great.  The question that makes the most sense to us is “Why do you come to the club?”.  That question leaves the door wide open for any kind of answer.  If the answer includes information about what they are looking for in the people they play with, that is a good signal that it is fine to start steering the conversation that way if you are interested in playing with them.  
Two questions that are good to avoid are “how do you play?” and “what are you looking for?”.  They seem to be common phrases people ask at swinger clubs to find out if they have a chance of getting laid.  Did you catch the assumptions in there?  The first question explicitly assumes that you actually DO play with others and that is why you are there.  The second question at least veils the assumption, but it is still in there.  Since many nights we are just there because we miss our friends, that is really the wrong question to be asking us, and  “Why do you come to the club?” would work a lot better on us and many others at the club.
One thing to note is that this advice might not be valid for everyone.  For example, those people that just come to swinger clubs to fuck first and take names later, it may save them a lot of time to just ask people straight up if they want to play.  Keep in mind that if you would like to be able to socialize when there are no prospects there some night, it might be worth your time to stick to “Why do you come to the club?”

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